clutter

i dunno how to describe my current state of mind.everything seems so cloudy.how i wish i could put everything into writing.but i find it hard to find the exact words.i dunno how i'll start this but i guess i have to follow what my heart and mind whispers.i couldn't even understand my dream last night.it was confusing.i believe that whatever i have on my unconscious comes out through my dreams.everything is a clutter.how i wish i could drown myself into my own world.sometimes when the real world is so cruel,i wish i could go to neverland where i would feel unharmed and untouched.it's like i don't know myself anymore.i'm intellectually confused,emotionally disturbed,physically drained and spiritually challenged.i hate this feeling.so many contradictions.change is the only permanent thing in this world.something beautiful may turn out to be so ugly,something great may turn out to be disgusting, something sweet may turn out to be bitter,something perfect may turn out to be full of flaws,a smile will soon be replaced with a sad face and in order for us to feel happy we have to experience how it is to be sad.it feels great the first time you smile after u go through a bumpy and curvy ride.life is a series of ups and downs.it takes us to the greatest heights and it drowns us sometimes.i seemed to feel ok when i'm with other people but everytime i'm alone,it's when this damn feeling starts to eat me.it's like i'm walking alone on a very long street and no one is around,it's like i'm surrounded with so many people and yet they don't see me and it's like i'm standing in the middle of a very wide farm and i feel so small.these are days when i feel like saying "it sucks to be me!"