on my own

i didn't find it hard to adjust to how my life has changed when i relocated here in cebu.the only hard part was searching for the perfect shelter here.we stayed at golden peak for a week when we arrived and then the search for the boarding house started.it was not easy.my first boarding house was so near the office located in ucma ville,lahug and it's just a stone's away but i only stayed there for a month and a half.the place is untidy and we( js and i) don't like our boardmates.then i moved to r.landon and stayed there for 3months until something happened.it's freaky...there was this akyat-bahay guy.(forget it)then i moved back to ucma village and stayed with nadina for a month.it's the same neighborhood from where i stayed before.and to add,it is near BBRC(presohan gud) so our boarding house was like the extension of BBRC.haha.i was so paranoid then coz my shift starts at 1am and everytime i would go to work at around 12am,my heart would beat so fast and i could hear it thumping because i'm afraid some criminals might escape and might hold us as their hostages.my God!!!weird imagination.so after a month,i moved to labangon and stayed with debbie(an officemate) until now.i know it's far but i'm more comfortable staying there.it was a year of living away from home and most of the time eating alone which i really hate.back home i don't like it when someone would eat first.i wanted everyone to eat together because i love chitchats(for short,tsismosa ko.haha).but sometimes you can't deny the fact that silence is deafening. i read this somewhere :
"It's the loneliest feeling in the world; to find youself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say, "What's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away." it happens and it's like you're trapped in your own world.how sad.*teary-eyed*.as far as i could remember it was hard spending christmas here and taking calls while everyone else awaits the coming of Christ.with all the booms and bangs i heard outside,i was here sitting and as if nothing happened. i could still remember js and pam who would get homesick all the time with just the thought of spending christmas here.hearing christmas songs is such a pain in the ass because we know we'll be spending it away from home.as what franz said,"there would always be a first time".he was right.right after shift,kates invited me over for a breakfast in holiday inn and i slept.the moment i woke up around 7pm,i realized no one sells food outside so we went to ojh's place and had dinner there.good thing i had js,franz,jaeger and ojh at that time.that was almost a year ago.and this year,i'm not sure if i could go home.the last time i checked with our workforce,my leave for the christmas holidays was disapproved.last new year was even terrible.my supervisor issued a written warning because i went home without permission.and i'm not going to do that again this year.sayang ang performance bonus and i even lost my retention bonus worth 3800php because of that warning.damn.it sucks to be me.hehe.well,everything happens for a reason.i'll just embrace whatever will come my way.