agent shania turns one

i've been in cebu for a year and 10days today.when PS hired us,they relocated us here.we arrived last 31oct with pam,mike,khaki,js,kimmy,franz,js,jen a,jen b,lai and leah.
we first set foot here in PS last november 2... there were 25 of us then,22 graduated from training,4 resigned during a-bay and 18 graduated from a-bay.we had our first day live on the floor last january 3 and only 5 of us are left after a year.training period was fun and it was just like we were in school with new classmates and by the time we went live on the floor it was not easy.it was a year of being a dedicated online travel agent slash call girl.

i've made it through all kinds of calls:
*from passengers who doesnt know their flight information
*exchanges,airline schedule changes,flight reconfirmations
*passengers who asks you which airport is near manhattan and how far it is from their hotel(get a map!)
*passengers who asks you for directions at the airport(omg!!i've never traveled internationally)
*clients asking assistance in booking their reservations
*customers who arrived at the hotel without any reservation
*putting my feet on the caller's shoes
*passengers bull-shitting you
*customers shouting,cursing and calling us as a f**cking telephone operator
*arguing with customers
*parents who wanted to know if their children is on the plane(how the hell will i know?i'm not an airport agent)
*customers asking for a supervisor (which most of the time i decline)
*customers praising you for a job well done
*talking to desperate callers looking for an email buddy
*cursing dumb americans while on mute
*understanding and helping americans who doesn't know how to read the rules and restrictions
*waiting patiently to chat with a filipino caller
*i've spoken to thousands of callers,airline agents and hotel agents,and sometimes arguing with the airline agents especially US airways agents
*getting zeros and a 100% customer surveys
*customers reprimanding me and the other way around(hehe.true)
*wives cancelling their husbands reservations upon knowing that he booked a reservation for two
*getting used to callers who calls me honey,love,dahling,babe, and sweetie.(eww!!)
*dealing with deafmute clients using the relay operators which will take hours
*customers who treated you as their slave(damn!)and at the back of my mind i'll say "makaanha ka lang diri,pabirahan ta ka!".bwahaha!!!
*customers who wonder where and how i learned to speak english.and they even sound so surprised.
*filipinos who gets surprised that their call is routed to the philippines
*customers who pair you with their sons
*customers who loves my name which is SHANIA because it is unique and asking me if i sing like shania twain(owh,man!i can sing but i can't carry a tune)
*listening to customers rantings
*hearing words like f**ck,sh*t,cr*p which sounds nothing because you get to hear them everyday
*making sure they understand everything you just said
*breaking the bad news to the passengers which is hard but you have to be honest
*putting the customers on my pocket just to save my ass(sakto bah?)
*clients complaining with just a $5 charge
*dealing with americans who wants to prove that they are right even if they are not.
*arguing with the very frank and most reklamador americans(in your face!)
*callers who admit that they are dumb and they are at fault
*being patient with customers
*racial discrimination
*can't even say "it sucks to be you!" though i've once said "hung up and dial again".
*there are also those who are nice and who treats you as a person
*customers who hears and feels what your heart and mind is shouting
*being nice to customers
*going an extra mile just to help someone
*laughing,talking,smiling,cursing,almost in tears and raising my voice on the phone

but no matter how bad the call is,all calls will always end up with: "thank you for calling______.have a great day!"

it was a tough year full of wonderful experiences.i missed these people:

js-my roomie and partner in crime.hehe.we were classmates in college but i got to know her more when we became officemates.she's brilliant and smart(ass!haha).she's now connected with nestle(bongga!!)
pam-the class valedictorian.she tops our training exams (next to me.bwahaha.joke.).she's mysterious and super homesick all the time.she's cool and loves to listen but she never shares her lovelife.
jen-the ate.the CPA.don't ask why she works in a call center.smart and conservative.the vaporin necklace(according to js) and eyeglasses reminds me of her.
jaeger-loveteam ni jen.haha.he calls me nikkiboy and i call him jaega-jaega.
kimmy and leah-the noisy pair in class who were so funny and both are sexy.kimmy is smart and leah's brain is bigger than her boobs.hehe.
jovie and anne-groovy,sexy and fashionista moms.
bern-the make-up artist,make-over specialist and kikay.
cyrus-funny man.
franz-agent farell who turns to be agent corbin.good boy and i love the way he laughs.i love his dance pad.
iris-the other half of the dynamic duo according to sup john.we always do barkada lunch.hehe.super matchmaker.a good singer also.
enna-the spammer.a very nice girl who would always check how am doing.
ojh-the figure skater.i love her company.she's funny and easy to be with.we spent christmas with her family last xmas.
ethel-the teacher and the singer.
luanne-i love listening to her when she talks.ma-chika and her sleepy eyes reminds me of her.
hanna-pretty girl who always sleeps in class.
sherilyn-irate agent with a loud voice.she alway sings in class.
richard-the pornstar.need i say more?
swetie-her name speaks for itself.
marichel-sexy,pretty and irate?she reminds me of pocahontas and mulan.
christian-super funny guy.he tickles my fancy everytime he speaks of vip.
kates-the journalist.kates is so funny and sexy,too.she was my seatmate and she never fails to make me laugh.
tj-the only agent who manages to sleep while taking calls.be prepared to answer all his questions.

batch 31:
Bernadine Vallejos; Christian Farrales; Cyrus Van Mutia; Edsel Fetalvero; Enna Nesie Modequillo; Ethel Marie Entrampas; Francis Israel Balleras; Iris Angeline Susas; Jenfer Daria Berdon; Jo-Ann Sherly Awatin; Joanna Fedora Garcia; Johanna Ocampo; Hanna Loiuse Quimilat; Katherine Salanga;Kimmy Eguna; Leah Esta�ol; Luanne Alvarez; Marichel Corsiga; Marie Anne Tiu; Pamela Joy Lagrosa; Richard Rene Bunalos; Sherilyn Gepitulan; Swetie Guzman; Tiffany May Simene; TJ Cabili

it's my turn for a kickback

nope,i didn't have a hotel reservation but i just love to call it a kickback.i went home to talisayan last 31oct and went back last 5nov.i was sooo excited to go home and hanz(Workforce) must be annoyed by me because i always follow-up my leave everyday(not to mention he is a cutie.hehe).so there,my 5-day leave was approved.my restdays fell on 29oct-30oct plus my leave was approved from the 31oct-4nov plus another restday on 5nov-6nov which means a long vacation.my shift ended last 29oct at 8am which is saturady so it was possible for me to depart at 8pm but i decided not to because according to me it would be a hassle to leave right after my shift.my original plan was to leave last sunday but there's no avail trip with cebu ferries/superferry.only trans asia had a trip that night and i don't trust them that much.so, i opted not to leave.i bought a ticket to leave monday,31oct sched to depart at 945am and is sched to arrive at 6pm.wow!!!perfect!because i can catch a bus at 7pm and i'll be home by 9pm.i was super excited packing my things and i woke up at 6am and then headed to the pier at 8am. while waiting for the check-in instructions,an announcement was made and here it goes:
"to all passengers scheduled to depart from cebu to cagayan de oro ticketed to leave at 945am,your trip has been delayed.the boat is scheduled to arrive at the port of cebu at 3pm.we apologize for the delay caused by previous delays.good morning!"
(i've memorized it from word to word because it was repeated many times and it was so annoying to hear it again and again.)
wtf?i can feel my blood rushing back and forth and it was not a good surprise.had i known this could happen,i would have left last saturday.i almost turned into an irate customer but i chose not to coz it might ruin my entire trip.i just tried to think about the many possibilities why it got delayed and the what-nots.i even met new people and good thing they served free lunch and dinner.the price of the ticket is only 290php.it was a good catch so people were tempted to buy the ticket only to find out that the trip will be delayed for how many hours.the boat arrived at 4pm and we departed at 630pm on board superferry12.we could have been in cdo at 6pm if only it departed on time.we arrived at 1am and i got home at 430am.good thing my brother jan heard me and he gladly (i dunno if he was glad though.hehe)opened the door.i would just like to thank the couple i met at the terminal with their two kids who helped me forgot that we waited for seven hours or more,the youngters i chatted with who thought i was still in college(hehe) and who got concerned if i've eaten lunch,to my college classmate etta who i met at the boat who helped me find my deck and who was with me on the bus,to fritz who invited me to play tong-its with him for hours and stayed with me until we got off the boat and shared with me my very first experience to witness a shooting star,to the englisero gay who chatted with me who made me feel that the long line is too short and to the familiar faces who made me feel that i was not alone.

grow old with you

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.

Need you, feed you,

I'll even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.

Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.

I wanna grow old with you.

*sample post from blogger.after months of being a deprived blogger user, i finally figured out how to access it on the floor.*grin*

even angels have bad days

How could someone be so insensitive and so selfish? There are people who always wants to be on the limelight. good if they are making a name out of it but it does not and it is making other lives miserable. He is not the only person in this whole wide world. He doesn't take into consideration that we have a life, that I have a life and is also burdened by the uncertainties of life. aargh...He thinks that what he do in his life is for him alone. He doesn't even think that there are other people connected to him and is affected by every move that he makes. It happens sometimes that more than we think of ourselves, we think of him. More than we think of our own concerns,we think about his. He could be so selfish and yet I'm being selfless.I may be over reacting or I may have a stupid heart and a freakin brain but I believe I am entitled to feel this way.

*fyi:this someone is not romantically linked with me.

And as a bonus,I was almost hit by a wreckless driver yesterday. Or should I say I was hit by that freakin motorcycle.i stood along gorodo avenue waiting for the traffic light and then this guy popped up into the picture. It was the farthest thing a driver in his normal state of mind would do. Tarantado! He can't wait for his turn that�s why he made a short cut and just blew off my day. If we look at it on all angles,I wasn't at fault. Shucks!!! Nalatayan akong tiil and there goes my sandals in the air. I just found out that I have a feet of steel coz there were no traces of bruises or a swollen feet. My feet didn't even hurt. I can't afford to get hurt by that moron who drives the motorcycle. so cheap of me to die or to be hospitalized. I'll die sad if that happens. Shame on me. Headline would then be: USA KA BABAYE NALIGSAN SA MOTOR. eww! just the thought of it makes me puke. (Hahaha.)It made me think that just because someone wishes to die I was put into that situation. yup, someone wishes to die and had sent me a message yesterday. It's like i was there saving someone's life and yet I'm not so good that's why I'm still here. Alive and kicking ass!!

random thoughts ÜÜÜ

1.u can't force other people to like u.

2.the moment u start complaining, you'll always find a reason to complain about anything even the littlest things

3.when u stop complaining, everything seems beautiful and acceptable.

4.some people will just use you for their own happiness at their own convenience. they fail to see that as a person, you get hurt and you bleed.

5.unspoken need of some people is wanting to be on the safe side, never wanting to get hurt.

6.jokes are sometimes half-meant and some are full-meant. You know it�s delivered as a joke but u can�t deny the fact that it is making sense and it is true.

7.happiness doesn�t have to depend on other people. happiness should come from within.

8.not everyone can express what's on their mind and in their hearts.

9.silence doesn't always mean yes

10.it's important to listen. some people can�t seem to understand that they are no longer making sense and they forgot that other people exist. I love this line : God made two ears and one mouth because he wants us to listen twice as much as we talk.

11.u can't control other people's minds and lives.

12.think before you speak.

13.someone is meant to pull you down. And when this happens, it means you are on top of them.

14.accepting the truth is hard but it is the only way to move on.

15.some people will misinterpret what you do and what you say.

16. you may laugh hard but that doesn't mean you are happy.

17. if you cry, it doesn�t mean you are sad.

18. there are so many words left unspoken.

19.everything I own is borrowed.

20.if you are alone, it doesn�t mean you are lonely.

21.to stop this, I have to go home. ciao!!! ÜÜÜ

for the sake of wilma

wilma
Originally uploaded by lola_02.

it is supposed to be my restday today but i am here in the office rendering OT due to hurricane wilma.and i was late,i was supposed to start at 8pm to 12am but i woke up at around 8pm and i ended up logging in at 1030pm and i logged out at 230am.it was a short shift and i only had 12 calls.my calls were complicated but it was manageable,no sup calls though.though the callers gets irate,i can't help but emphatize.i know it is hard for their part and i admit i'll also get irate if i were on their shoes.there's still a reason to be thankful for because the hurricane didn't hit the philippines.instead of feeling bad due to my OT,i decided to stop complaining and just finish what needs to be done.i'd rather go on OT in exchange for my morning sched.hehe...it was my supervisor who asked me to render OT for four hours and i can't say NO because i'm a spoiled agent(feel ko lang).my supervisor is an angel and i'm happy that i belong to his team.thanks jan!!!

morning girl

wow
Originally uploaded by lola_02.

the new schedule has been released and i got what i wanted.i'll be on morning shift for crying out loud.woohoo!!!i said morning,u read it right.my shift starts at 9am and ends at 6pm and my restday falls on saturday and sunday.i like it because i'll leave at around 8am and the sun is not too harsh at that time and i'll be out at 6pm.too much heat is such a headache.i'm hearing comments now.yeah,i know.morning shift is for married people and i'm not,sunday restday is for househelps,low pay for the morning shift,no night differential.am i talking to myself?sounds like.hahaha... i don't care,i don't care.as of this writing,i think i'm loving my new shift.

for every woman

by nancy smith

For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong;
There is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.

For every woman who is tired of acting dumb;
There is a man who is burdened with the responsibility of �knowing everything�.

For every women who is tired of being called an �emotional female�;
There is a man who is denied the right to weep and be gentle.

For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes;
There is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove he is masculine.

For every woman who is tired of being a sex object;
There is a man who must worry about his potency.

For every woman who feels �tied down� by her children;
There is a man who is denied the full pleasure of parenthood.

For every woman who is denied meaningful employment and equal pay;
There is a man who must bear the financial responsibility for another human being.

For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile;
There is a man who was not taught the satisfaction of cooking.

For every woman who takes a step towards her own liberation;
There is a man who finds that the way to freedom has been made a little easier.

a picture is worth a thousand words

rox's grad at usc talamban right after the grad ceremony.the stairs going up the chapel is their own version of the walk way in camiguin.haha..

rox's after grad celebration(with nad and rox)

dinner at krua thai(with rox's equally pretty and groovy mom,rox,jorge and nad)

coffee break at gloria jean's

owh?!charles is sooo dead.i knew it.haha.*wink*wink* (with rox)

pretty girls stick together.hehe.

fooling around with nadina

to add icing on the cake

i met someone new last sunday.he happens to be a friend of my friend.my friend has been telling me about this guy so i decided to give it a try.we didnt plan it ahead of time that we'll meet up.he just texted me around 1pm and invited me.i was hesitant at first but since i don't have much to do that time and i was all alone at home,i decided to meet him.we met somewhere in ayala around 5pm.i was impressed because he arrived first.normally ,i would always be the one who'll wait.i must admit that i got nervous and i wanted to back out.but i told myself "there's no going back".he looked surprised when i came in because i approached him directly and said "hi...r u kim?" in a very confident way.it started and ended well.my rating? well,he passed.hehe.my heart wouldn't break if i wake up in the morning beside him considering his physical attributes.and i would love to stress it that he is grammatically correct.hehe...if i were to look at something deeper,he is someone who you'd consider making friends with.yes,FRIEND.because he is the type of person who is not ready for a commitment and someone who values his individuality.i think he just needs someone he can converse with and someone he can spend his day with when he feels alone.he is the type of person who is ready to listen(as in all ears),responsible and would make sure you enjoy his company.he is also a family oriented person.he speaks so much of his family and is proud of his parents and siblings.he knows how to deal with people and he has a sense of humor.well,i can't see myself with him in the long run but he can be a friend.



i'm rejoicing

happy...happy...
i'm just happy that i can now access yahoomail.yahoo!!!tnx to jhade(an officemate).you are a genius!haha...he finally figured out how to access it on the floor.good luck IT people..

panawagan sa IT people

yahoo!!!i'm not rejoicing when i said yahoo..i'm pissed off.this is all we got if we access yahoomail in the office.though we can access yahoomail in the pantry,it's still hard because there are a lot of employees and there are only 4 pc's available enough to cater the hundreds of employees here.aaargh...i hate it.we even tried different paths and different ways just to access it on the floor but IT installed this surf control.hello?it's just a matter of sending and receiving mails.i even saved all my work documents there like my canned documents,legal scripts and fax templates which is very helpful.what's the big deal with that?first you removed the U drive so we have to find a way to save our docs.and there's the ever trusted yahoo.what now?you blocked friendster,blogger,blogdrive,gmail and now it's yahoo.what's next?

SurfControl

Access Denied Access to the requested URL has been denied by SurfControl

need i say more?

yahoo sucks

aarrgghhh...my yahoomail sucks.. i can log-in but i can't access my mails.i'm the only person here who can't access my mails.i wonder what happened.is there a # for the yahoo customer care?is it 1-800-yahoomail?i have new messages and i need to send out messages.damn yahoo..hulp....

greetings

a customer just greeted me today with a "have a f**k*ng day!" after he hung up.hahaha...damn caller!he got so pissed off because i didn't provide him with any info.and he even demanded to speak with a supervisor.

here's what happened:

me: thank you for calling _____.com.my name is shania.is there a reservation i can help you with today?

bill: owh,i wanna check on my itin.can you help me with that?

me: sure,let me help you with that sir.may i have your name?

bill: bill

me.thank you.for security purposes,may i have the email address associated with the account?

(then he goes irate)

bill: why are you asking me that?i don't know the email address.someone booked this for me.

me: ok.who booked this reservation?

bill: my daughter booked this for me.

me:may i have your daughter's name?

bill: do we have to go through all these things.

me: yes,bill.

bill: why don't you just tell me about my itinerary?

me: i'm sorry,i cannot disclose any info regarding the reservation if you cannot provide me with the correct email address.

bill: i told you i don't have the email address.

me: bill, you have to provide me the email address for security purposes.if you don't have the email addres,you can ask your daughter and you may call as back.

bill: then give me your supervisor.

me: that is not possible.

bill: i told you i need to speak with your supervisor because you won't help me.now, can i speak with your supervisor?

me: NO.you have to go through the first step.

bill:what?

me:you have to go through the first step.you have to pass security verification.

bill: what the h*ll is wrong with you?you're not of any help. may i have your name?

me:may name is shania and that is spelled as S-H-A-N-I-A.

bill: ok.i'm going to write a letter and i'm going to include your name.

me: ok.have a great day.

bill: have a f*ck*ng day!

so,there...it didnt ruin my day.right after that damn caller,my supervisor called for a meeting and we had a voice simulation.i got nervous because we did it invidually and then the other team members were asked to rate our performance.i'm glad i did it well.

the result:

"Hats off to you Tif!

You sure have a very pleasant voice on the phone.

You are a naturale voice talent if I may add. You speak with character.

However, as you already know, your voice can sometimes come up too strong to first time or educate customers.

It is a good thing that you command authority when you speak but it would be a lot better if you add a li'l spice of enthusiasm when you convey your messages to your customers.

A small talk is all that you need.

Thank you for giving your best all the time.

Your humility only shows how mature and strong you are as a person.

We hope to spend more time with the team doing this kind of things. "

---people were telling me i sound so "maldita" on the phone and so authoritative.i'm not making it hard for my callers but it's just the way i speak.my previous QA(quality assurance) analyst would always leave a comment which says: "don't be smug and condescending." awwwh....i try to sound nice the beast as i could.hahaha...NOT.i always try to sound nice the best as i could and i think it sometimes works because i get good reviews.all in the name of customer service.

anatomy of a call center agent

know your celebrity look alike

try this just for fun. know your celebrity look alike.

take a look at mine.

and my look-alikes (katie holmes,tori & heidi klum):

click below for more:

look-alike1

look-alike2

the packer

88f0, originally uploaded by nikkiqs.

i'm now a PACKER slash vacation package agent.we just ended our vacpac training.it's not hard and it's not easy as well.it was fun because everybody participated in class.it was a scandal class...(ur wrong...it's not the big scandal!!)we just call it that way because we had fun forwarding messages and sharing jokes.*wink*wink*.our class should have been called the peoplesupport scandal.hahaha...it was a week of exams both practical and written,reporting,class discussion,taking notes,group reporting and a whole lot of fun.it was great to be with the PACKERS though this shift made me sick...

my sunday

i watched the sisterhood of the traveling pants with cath and april.it's a chick flick and it was a good movie...it was warm and touching.(nihilak gud ko cath,noh?haha...)it's a story of four friends who came from different worlds and they went through different things in one summer.a summer full of lessons.it's about growing up and learning what's happening around you then learning to accept it.it's a story of love,life,friendship and family.

i love this quote from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares) :

"Maybe happiness didn't have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures. Wearing slippers and watching the Miss Universe contest. Eating a brownie with vanilla ice cream. Getting to level seven in Dragon Master and knowing there were twenty more levels to go.Maybe happiness was just a matter of the little upticks- the traffic signal that said "Walk" the second you go there- and downticks- the itch tag at the back of your collar- that happened to every person in the course of the day. Maybe everybody had the same allotted measure of happiness within each day.maybe it didn't matter if you were a world-famous heartthrob or a painful geek. Maybe it didn't matter if your friend was possibly dying.
Maybe you just got through it. Maybe that was all you could ask for. "


i had coffee with chara and js.we were catching up on each other's lives.it was just a short time because js had a trip to cagayan that night but it was worth it.sometimes you have to listen to other people's stories and learn from them.i would say that i was lost for a while but i'm now seeing a different light...and this time it is brighter.it was a long journey and i admit that i took a turn and didn't know where i was headed.sometimes life leads you to a different path just to test if you still know your way back home.God is good.he always leaves a trail of breadcrumbs along the way.(i was glad nobody took it.)i can now say that my ship has seen the horizon and will someday beeline to the shore.i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

a whole new sched

i'm on training for vacation package this week from mon-fri.it's another skill that we need to learn in our field and with this training, i'm going to have a different schedule just for a week.my training starts at 6am and ends at 2pm.so i'm on a normal day sched.it's a completely  new sched for me.goodbye graveyard just for a week!i'll have a new sleeping sched.at least a normal sleep at night and away from the harsh rays of the sun. so that means waking up as early as 4am.owh..how i hate waking up  and taking a bath that early.i'll shift my routing as well since i'll leave at 5am and there's not much public transpo.i have to go to colon to catch a ride which i don't like.(my friends knew i don't wanna go to colon.)a new eating sched.this time,i could eat breakfast,lunch and dinner at the right time.a new environment.i'll be trapped inside the four walls of the training room.a new task.i'm not going to take calls for a week which is great.i like it!but i'll have to study to pass training.it's time to scan the manual and take down notes.(buhay-estudyante...)new friends.i'll be joining nine other agents on training so it's a nice time to meet other people.so,there..that's my sched for the week.i hope it's going to be   fun and exciting.

random things

new shift?

it's not really a whole new shift but it's a new restday.i have no choice but to follow the sched give.today starts my very first sat-sun restday.i missed my wed-thur restday.i don't like my sat-sun restday though it's the normal restday.i get to experience the queue everyday from mon-fri compared to my wed-thur RD.during sat-sun working days, we get to breath in between calls and it's really convenient.i know some people really love sat-sun because they get to do a lot of things but i find it inconvenient.it's only good if you have your family here because weekends are usually spent for the family.someone told me it's good for me so i could hear mass.it doesnt matter coz i always do every after shift during sundays. anyhow...God must have plans or this restday might bring good luck.hehe...


da vinci code

a friend sent me a softcopy of the book.i'm glad he did.i've been wanting to read the book because i heard so much about the book and just for curiosity's sake.it's more convenient because i get to read it in between calls and i've read it last week.i just couldn't stop reading it...tooot..there goes the call and i still don't wanna stop because the story is so nice.but it is still business as usual.work is work and i'm being paid to take calls. the story was very intriguing and 'twas like i was part of the "grail search".i was so excited about the sophie-robert loveteam.haha...the sad thing was i couldn't bring it at home. so,it was like watching a teleserye where i'll wait for tomorrow and see what happens next.a friend told me that my faith in God might change after reading it.some people were saying that it tests your faith.it was not true.i'm still the old me and i don't believe it.the book has something to do about Christ and mary magdalene.it was just a story and i don't think it is true.anyhoo..it was a great book and the author is so brilliant for coming up with that book...(just read it for yourself.)


drowning

there are days when i felt like i'm drowning.emotions are so strong and it's hard to control.i felt like the whole world is turning back at me.i have a lot of questions which are left unanswered.sometimes i would just stare at the blank wall and wonder where i'll go next.this is just one of the "i-dunno-days".but i'm still glad that even if i'm about to drown, i could just sway my tail and swim.it's called believing and faith.no matter how hard..there is always a lighter side.


third chance

everybody deserves a second chance but is it worth giving them a third chance?just a thought.i hate to think about though but it keeps on popping up.i'll just leave it hanging.

happy birthday to kevin and aden!!!

sailing my ship

"20 years from now you will be more dissapointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." -Mark Twain

bridge
Originally uploaded by lola_02.

i have plans of quitting this job and work on a normal shift.maybe by december or january i'm gonna hand down my resignation letter.i wanna work in a government agency and join the corrupt people.haha.NOT.i wanna explore something new.when i went home last july,opportunity knocked so hard on my door.i was taking a bath that time when i heard a hard knock on the door.it was my mom and she asked me if i would accept the job offered to me.i was clueless.i haven't applied for any jobs at that time.then i was informed that someone from the administrative office of our local hospital is at our house that time and offered me the job.it was like...yes or no?i know that job was for good but i turned it down.i still have an unfinished business here at PS. i'm faithful and loyal.i'm gonna finish what i started.i can't see myself working here for years.i wanna get out and have a life.it's not the salary that makes me happy but it's part of the package.what's important is as long as i'm happy with what i'm doing.i can say i'm happy with my job now but it's not for good.i do have plans of my own but there are people who we need to consider.i dunno but i'm so selfless nowadays.is it good or bad sign?never mind. when i was around 4 or 5 yrs old,i wanted to be a nun.which is very possible.i'm surrounded with very religious people.i remember i cried so hard whenever they would tease me that i'm going to be a teacher.years later,i wanted to be a nun or a lawyer.in grade school...a lawyer...in high school....a lawyer....in my last years in high school and in college,i've found out that i sooo love arts. i love photography,paintings, fashion and designing,i wanted to be a chef.if only we were rich,i could have been somewhere in europe for further studies.hehe.i still wanted to be a lawyer.so... i took up bs psych in prep.after college,i was bumming around and at the same time babysitting my fave nephew lance.then i joined the search-in.my friends were like "what?r u serious?".haha... (you don't have to tell me,i know what you want to say.)i had so many things in mind but still holding on to my dreams.but the more people pushed me to become a lawyer,the lesser i wanted to become one.people expect you to be this...it's like they know you so well.it spoiled everything.then i was lost.so here i am picking up the pieces of me and starting to sail my ship.i dunno where i'm headed but hold on...i'm going there.i'm still learning how to sail my ship.i'll surely cross the bridge when i get there.one day, i'll find myself .

career quiz and horoscope

i took the career quiz online and look what i've got.i also included my horoscope.

Magazine Editor-In-Chief

Ambitious. Driven. Valedictorian. Do these words sound familiar? Calling you an over-achiever would be a huge understatement. Besides, you�ve probably known what you�ve wanted to do since you were like twelve and were the first person in your class to get a PalmPilot. Someone like you would never waste their time in a dead-end field. You need a fast-paced environment with lots of room for advancement and personal recognition. And what better way to show everyone just how much you rock than with your own byline and eventually your own magazine. You could so rule the world � of publishing, that is.

take the quiz here


Taurus April 21 - May 21

Symbol: The Bull
Sign Style: Earth
Color of Choice: Pink
Personality Plus: Patient, reliable, warm-hearted, determined, always supportive of your friends.
The Downside: Jealous, possessive, self-indulgent, resistant to change.
Relationship Advice: True to your bullish nature, you�re a loyal and devoted girlfriend, and you expect the same thing from your sweetie. That�s why you need to trust your crush completely before committing. Once you fall in love, you fall hard, and it�s always for the long term.
Most Compatible With: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces

get yours here

must love dogs

must love dogs
Originally uploaded by lola_02.

i watched it last night with my friend iris.it's another feel-good movie.we were supposed to watch if only but we were kinda late so we decided to choose another movie.since we both love john cusack,we ended up watching must love dogs.we were laughing our hearts out.it was super funny and we were so kilig at the same time.i soooo fell in love with the movie and i also fell off the stairs.kablaag...there i go.i fell flat on the floor.good thing it never hurt much. *click here*

the month of BER

today marks the first day of the month of BER which means christmas is coming.christmas has been my fave season of the year.it reminds me of so many things.food.owh..how i love to eat and if it's christmas,food is overflowing.sumptuous foods are served on the table.almost all of my fave food is present.lechon is my fave.gift-giving.it has been a tradition in our family.by november,we start the manito thingy and everyone's eager to know who their manito is.everybody's excited to open their gifts.it was always fun.i hope lance is my manito this year who happens to be my godson.hehe.i love gift-wrapping and it feels good seeing someone opening his gift with so much happiness.(except for ***.hehe.bad.u know na.ayaw saba.) party.i love parties and not just the usual party.people close to me knew what i mean.and there goes the annual batch party.it's great seeing your old friends and catching up on each other's lives.simbang gabi.i so sooo love the 9 mornings.i always make it a point to complete the 9mornings and it feels good.it's my favorite.i'm super excited to hear mass.last year, i've never heard mass even once for the simbang gabi.it was sad.my friend jasmin would laugh at me because weeks before the 16december,i have a complete list on what to wear.ukay-ukay.i love UK but this time it's our time to give our old clothes to other people.it felt good.this has been done annually.caroling.i love christmas carols.it's very heartwarming to see kids singing outside your house and they never care if they sang it right.when we were kids,i used to join my friends and my cousins would also come with us.we would sing our hearts out complete with the local tambourine(tanzan made) and ukelele.(yeah,i know.i'm not good when it comes to singing.i know that.i can sing but i can't carry a tune.i admit it.hehe.)we were so happy if we were given piso.some would give us 25cents,banana,candy or biscuits.and some would never care as if they never heard you sing.before we end the day,we sang at our house because my dad would give us 5pesos.and at the end of the day, we would buy bread or biscuits and plan where our next gig is.(hehe.gig?).fireworks.i love fireworks.it's like the stars are falling.hehe.(if that's the case,we would all die.)shopping.new clothes and cheap finds.my mom would always give us our bonus every christmas.though it is just a little cash but i got to buy what i want.and since there are a lot of mark down prices,you don't have to sacrifice quality over the price.christmas tree.i love putting up the christmas three.i missed it last year though.i love to accentuate our xmas tree because it brings out my creative juices.family gathering.my relatives would spend their christmas at home.we always have our party every 25th and also the annual kris kringle.birthdays.a lot of birthdays to celebrate.auntie lang on the fifth.lance on the 11th who celebrates his bday every 22nd.apple and intoy on the 28th.jan on 2january but still within the xmas n new year season.
haaay...these are just few of the things i love which i'll miss this christmas.i also missed it last year but there's always a first time.this year is my second time to spend christmas away from home.i'm looking forward to go home just for a while on new year.i know it is impossible for me to spend christmas at home due to my sched but christmas would always be in my heart and christmas is everywhere.

from riches to rags

shucks....i've never felt soooo poor in my entire life.i'm down to the very last 100 peso bill in my wallet.well,at least i'm P100 richer than everybody else but it doesnt feel good.

camwhoring

blogger account

wala lang.walang ma-post.there are a lot of thoughts in my mind.too many things to write,too little time.i just missed posting through blogger since IT dept blocked blogger.thank God there's flickr and photobucket.

girls rule

have u ever wished u were a boy and not a girl?when i was younger, i used to think how it's like to be a boy.i kept on wondering what it's like to be one and i once wished i was a BOY.i thought there could have been a lot things i could do if only i was a boy.let me enumerate.

• could play outside without having to worry if your clothes get dirty or torn
  
• could go out of the house anytime
• don't have to be the bantay-bahay when the "so-called-soldiers" go out in the field and fight.
• could join fistfights
  
• could choose who to court and choose the one you really like
• get an excuse to be naughty at times
• can play,play and play
• don't have to wear skirts when hearing mass(this was before)
• don't have to suffer dysmenorrhea
• don't have to go through the pain of giving birth
• could be the boss
• you don't have to hide everytime you'd feel like going to the restroom just to pee
• because masculinity means bravery

as you can see my reasons were so babaw lang.years have passed and gone were those days of envy.i've gotten over it.it's fun being a girl.and there are a lot things to be happy about.

• being a girl doesnt mean you can't play,play and play.
• i still had the chance to play (from jolen,rubber bands to hide-and-seek etc. etc)
• girl talk is fun and we understand each other without having to explain stuff
• you can wear guys clothes.(If guys wear ours, they get funny looks)
• can avoid the whole circumcision thing
• slumber party rocks the house and it's so much fun.
• we get to have a chance to bear a child
• being a mother is a mystery
  
• we are brave in so many ways
  
• it's not weird if a girl uses a guys first name (like joey or alex).it sounds cool.
• it is ladies first and not women first(read as:we men first)
  
• we get free chocolates and flowers from guys
• we can take stuffed animals to bed no matter how old we are
• we can cry while watching a good movie without having to worry about what other people might say
• the coolest, sweetest songs and poems have been writen about us
• we can wear dresses without getting really weird looks from people
• girls have nicer handwriting than guys
• we have an excuse to be kikay
• we love pink
• we love dressing up
• we love shopping
• we love makeovers
• girls rule

*as of now...i could only think of these things,you can add more.
*subject to change without prior notice.

the other side of spiderman

a tribute

her name is melody.she's a friend and a cousin rolled into one.she passed away at 1am,on the 20th of august.breast cancer is the culprit.it's so sad to think that she died at an early age.she is only 23 and there are still a lot of things ahead of her.i know there is a reason for everything.we've been classmates since grade school... then high school and with RS 35 in college.the last time i spoke to her was last 16july2005 when i went home for the fiesta.who would think that she'll die early.she was a healthy lass.very athletic and always on the go.i could never imagine her to be so weak.i only have good things and good memories of her.she was always there to cheer me up.she knows it when i don't like something or someone.she understands what i mean when i raise my eyebrow or whenever i roll my eyes.she was my movie partner and lunch partner in college.she knows me inside and out.she never left me behind and she was always on my side.she was a faithful friend.she is brave and she's never afraid to say what she thinks.she is a strong person.she defends me from the wicked witch.hehe.she saves me from mopping the floor.hehe.she would then tell me to just wipe the blackboard because it was a lot easier.she was my ka-chika when our boring teacher starts her discussion.we talk like there's no tomorrow.she is always fun to be with.she laughs whenever i send her a couple of quotes.she was a matchmaker though not a succesful matchmaker for me. she knows who my longtime crush is.she was my mathematics savior (a.k.a. kopyahanan sa assignment sa math) when i'm not sure of my answers.she was my debate partner in high school.she appreciates and praises me.she laughs with me over the corny jokes and the whole likos thingy.i could be myself when i'm with her.we never fought.we agree on many things and we're both ruled by taurus.she is on the same wavelength as i am.we simply connect and we are friends.i'm glad i've known her.

ding...thanks for everything.

last words

i heard mass last 16july and since i was late,standing position ang drama sa likod.(den,dili katingalahan bah?)then melody came and we had a very short chat.this was our last conversation.(some statements are rephased)

melody: hoi...ikaw gyud lagi,tagnaan gyud nako bisag nakatalikod.

me: sez,ikaw man diay nah.as usual late nasad.hehe.dawbi?

melody: diyaa...arte lang gyud gihapon ka.

me: bwahaha...tanawa gani.lain?.match-match ra ba.hehe.

melody: dili oi.wa gyud ka nagbag-o.nya?nakauyab naka?

me: ngee...pastilan sa tanan pangutana kana pa jud.way kwenta.

melody: huh?mao diay gihapon...

me: ay,sus.don't worry.ipa-ila-ila tka if naa.

melody:gikan baya ko ila candy gahapon and wala man siya kay nagsimba.adto unta ko inyo kay ingon mam elaine niuli ka.

me: ay...sez sayang.adto unta ka kay nihapit ra ba sad nesly gahapon sa hapon.i dunno asa ang uban.la pud gana lakaw2.basin nagsimba sila karon.

melody: nah...naulaw ko kay basin daghan tao sa inyo.

me: unsay kaulawan oi nga kami-kami ra man sa hauz.sila manang naa man sad.taas-taas unta ato chika.wa na jud ta kita.wa na ta tanaw sine.remember?

melody: sige diay gyapon ka tanaw sine?

me: usahay nalang if restday.adto balay huh lunch.ayaw pag-ulaw2 oi.kasab-an ta man ka.bwahaha.ma-crazy sad ko.

melody: tanawon lang oi kay uban man mi mama.

me: basta...pagtext lang,paabuton tka.
dawbi..ikaw?minyounon man daw ka?haha...mzta?

melody: gikan baya ko hospital.

me: owh..?kay?

melody: nasakit baya ko.

me: ngano?

melody:leukemia and anemia lagi.

me: huh?owh...likos gyud.tungka pud ka karon.binuang...ayaw'g luya-luya diha.sayang ang pagka-athlete.(then we laughed)runner baya ka and kapoy2 na nuon ka.unsay connection?asa naman imo pagkatigas.bitaw,tarong bah...

melody: lagi...giabunohan ko dugo and first week of july ko nakagawas. tanawa gani ako kamot,luspad.

me: bitaw noh...hala oi...ngano man? unya?

melody: istorya nata sunod kay misa pa and maglingkod ko.naglain ako ginhawa.

me: cge...kay gitan-aw nata ni father.siwitan daw kaayo ta.special mention gani ta ron na.haha.chika-chika pa unta ta kay daghan ko chika.hala oi paglingkod na didto kay dili ra ba ko kadaog nimo.kulbaan man sad ta nimo.gitawag naka imo mama.sige... text-text lang.diri ra ko sa ako fave spot.haha..

melody: ganahan gyud ka diha duh?lingkod sa ko ha.chai...anhi sa ko.

that was it....

the very last time i saw her was when she smiled when i pass by her during the offering.i didnt see her after the mass because there were too many people and she didnt come at lunchtime. she just texted me that she can't make it because she doesn't feel well.

chicken

the very first person who informed me that melody passed away was marvin.he was melody's friend in college who eventually became my friend thru her.he was one of our lunch partners.and then lawrence texted me with the same news.i felt bad and sad at the same time.and then the paranoia begins...know why? blame it to my Phasmophobia(fear of ghosts).it may be funny but it's true.call me CHICKEN,i don't care.i might die if i see a ghost.honest!
i went home after work and there are so many thoughts playing in my mind.i bought food from a nearby eatery and when i reached home...i didn't know what to do.i had mixed emotions.i don't want to go upstairs because i was afraid.what will i do?my water is in my room and i can't eat without water and my stomach is loging for food.good thing i had my pineapple juice in the ref.it saved me.but it didn't end there.it took me almost an hour to lift my feet and finally go upstairs to catch some sleep.i was like a robber.lingi dinhi,lingi didto.i didn't sleep well because i would wake up in the middle of my sleep thinking that somebody's watching over me.my God,i was so praning.plus there were people who kept on texting me that melody's gonna visit me.shucks...it scared me to death.i didn't know how many times i prayed and i've also recited the saint's names.my goodness...this is what i hate most whenever someone close to me dies.it's such a pain in the ass.i know everything happens for a certain reason and it is hard to lose someone.i've always said that i hate goodbyes.but i can't help it but be afraid..be very afraid of the ghost.nginiig ito.

coldplay

i really wanna add this on my template but it was a total mess when i tried adding it.might as well post it.

Video code provided by Music Video Codes

when boredom strikes...

...you'll end up answering surveys.i don't have anything to do now.it's my restday and i don't wanna go home yet.i'm just waiting for the mall to open this morning.here goes the surveys:


Top three:

three names you go by:
1. nikki
2. nikai
3. tiff

three screen names you have had:
1. shania
2. elle
3. nikkiqs

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. mole(is that counted?)
3. eyelashes

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. legs
2. feet
3. knees

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. ..nothing else
3. ..nothing more!

three things that scare you:
1. ghost
2. losing one of my senses
3. natural calamities (I'll add one:giving birth)

three of your favorite smell:
1. I love the smell of a lighted match.
2. I love the smell of RL romance.
3. I love the smell of clinique happy.

three of your everyday essentials:
1. money
2. oil control film
3. facial wash

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. kalbo
3. nose

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. malling
2. surfing the net
3. malling

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. travel
2. eat good food
3. a good rest

three careers you're considering :
1. chef
2. magazine editor-in-chief
3. advertising or interior designing

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. paris
2. Orlando(Disneyland)
3. italy three names you like:
1. Gustavo
2. Vladimir
3. Sullivan
(astig!)

three things you want to do before you die:
1. visit paris(I just love this place.i don't know what's in store for me here but I'm looking forward to it)
2. vacation at amanpulo resort.
3. establish a family of my own.

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i love the color pink and I adore elle woods.
2. daydreamer
3. sucker for feel-good movies

three frequently visited sites
1. http://www.photobucket.com or http://www.flickr.com
2. http://expedia.com
3. http://www.blogger.com

three Foods
1. Lechon
2. Sunny side-up
3. Jollibee

three Drinks
1. Water
2. Coke
3. Iced Tea

three Snacks
1. French Baker's lasagna 2. shawarma
3. Red Ribbon chocolate cake and palabok

three Indoor activities
1. Blogging
2. watching movies
3. scrapbooking

what?

1. WHAT DATE IS IT?
* August 3, 2005
2. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
*9:10 PM
3. DID YOU GO SOMEWHERE?
* Yes, work.
4. WHAT DID YOU DO THERE?
* Work and take calls.
5. HOW OLD ARE YOU?
* 23
6. ARE YOU MATURE OR IMMATURE?
* A little bit of both.
7. WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR MOM & DAD?
* Mommy & Daddy
8. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
*No, we're seven.
9. WHEN ARE YOU GOING SHOPPING?
*I dunno know.maybe if I see something I really like.best things come as a surprise.
10. WHATS THE MOST FLATTERING COMPLIMENT YOU EVER GOT?
*That I'm angel.
11. ONLY GIRL/BOY IN THE FAMILY?
* No
12. WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET REGINE VELASQUEZ?
* No.
13. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS ARE?
* Some are working, some are still in school.
14. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO YOUR BESTFRIEND?
*as in talk?can't remember the exact date.that was months ago.
15. YOU THINK SHE/HE NEEDS YOU NOW?
*kinda.
16. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
* A trip for to amanpulo or to paris.
17. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?
* a digicam
18. IF YOU WERE TO BUY A CAR, WHICH CAR WOULD IT BE?
* A top down BMW.
19. A DUET WITH HEART EVANGELISTA?
* no way. but if it's a shopping spree, i'll absolutely agree.
20. DO YOU WEAR MAKE-UP?
* No.
21. WHAT LIP BALM DO YOU USE?
* Body Shop's Born Lippy (strawberry)
22. WOULD YOU GET A TATOO?WHAT KIND?
* No.i can't think of any.
23. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOMEWORK?
*No.
24. MSN OR YAHOO?
* yahoo.
25. ANY SONG THAT YOU'RE LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
* none.
26. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SPELLS?
* No.
27. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO NOW?
* ayala center.
28. WHY DID YOU ANSWER THIS?
* Because I have nothing to do and nothing to post in my blog today.

1 Saturday Nights: work.
2 Chocolates: cadbury, toblerone, crunch
3 My Pet: I'm not a pet lover.
4 My bed: what bed? hahaha.. nobody sleeps on my bed.i sleep on the floor coz it's dark and the bed could cover the rays of the sun.working on graveyard shifts makes you allergic to the sun and I try to avoid them.it's such a headache..
5 Rainy Days: great during restdays coz u get to enjoy sleep well and the surrounding is cool.it�s a time to show-off your jacket.
6 Going to school: fun.
7 Friendster: human locator; it connects people.
8 Myself: bored and sleepy.tick-tock-tick-tock
9 Coffee: frap.
10 Coke: i worship it.. hehehe
11 Summer: i love summer.i love the sun,the sand and the beach.
12 My PC : no PC. I'm using the company's computer.
13 Movies :feel-good movies are the best.
14 Commuting: is something i grew up with...trisikad,jeepney,bus,taxi etc.name it.
15 High School: was fun; crushes;kilig factor;petty quarrels;best memories;friends
16 Chewing gums: ah...baggle gum.hehe.love chewing gums.
17 Math:i fear math
18 USA: we follow their timezone and cater to customers from USA.
19 My Hometown: Talisayan.

paula's blog

i love bloghopping because i get to read other blogger's minds.one of my fave bloggers is *hipstah*. she is paula peralejo.i like her more as a blogger than a star.she never hesitates to right anything and i love her posts.two of my fave articles on her blog are people who are taken and unrequited love.read on:

PEOPLE WHO ARE TAKEN

are more interesting most of the time, right? And I've been battling whether it's because they're really interesting, or it's a thrill for them to take notice of us.

Recently, I heard from a friend that she got to talk to her "one-who-got-away" and they finally admitted how much they feel for each other. Problem is...he's already married.

But is it a problem, really? Or just a problem created by the society?

When I was younger, and very much trapped in the dictates of the Society, I would carelessly call those who become causes of breakups sluts, whores. See how much bias there is? What do you call guys who cause breakups? Nothing. Nada.

But now that I'm older, and more exposed to others' experiences, I have come to realize that it's not easy to be the "cause". Nobody wants to be called a slut, or whore, after all. In most cases, these people are the ones those in a relationship meet too late, or the ones they call their unfinished business.

And these "causes" have feelings, too. Name-calling to swallow, loved ones to sacrifice. But love is just so powerful it allows them to hold on. Hold on to a feeling they're not sure will be reciprocated by the other.

It's so easy to think negative of them, but until you've experienced it yourself, or someone close to you experiences it, you can never really understand the situation. You'll never understand how hard it is to resist temptation even though you do not intend to hurt others. How hard it is to stop communication long after you should have. How hard it is not to think of that special someone, and how happy you guys would have been.

Sure we may argue here that the taken is stupid if he left an unfinished business. But it's not that easy, really. Sometimes, they have to be practical. Sometimes, they have to play it safe. But practicality and love are not on the same level. That person may be selfish for pursuing his/her feelings towards someone who's not his current partner, but isn't it human nature to be weak? We are all weak at certain times, and his/her only fault is that s/he gave in to a weakness considered evil by most people.

This post is not intended to make you cheat on your partners, or pursue those who are already taken. It's only my way of showing the other side of the coin. My way of sharing my realization that cheating doesn't always mean evil. Bad, yes, but sometimes with considerable reasons.

Life is really uncertain. Sometimes, we think we are so in love with somebody and later on find out that we're in love with someone else. And commitment and convenience are the very reasons why it's hard for us to let go.

It's true we have a price we have to pay for every decision we make. It's true we have to learn how to control ourselves and practice the art of being just. But when it comes to feelings, to strong emotions, is there such a thing as being FAIR?

UNREQUITED LOVE:

When we fall in love, we fall real hard. We do anything to win our loved one's heart. We accept the pain and smile even though we're dying inside. We wish, we hope, we long, we wait. But sometimes the wait it too long that we begin to wonder if our time is worth the wait, or if there's really something to wait for to begin with. And then it hits us.

While the braver and luckier ones have their whole lives to spend with the ones they truly love, there are those whose relationships that once worked out well just fail. And unfortunate as that may sound, they are still to be considered lucky, for while their relationships have turned sour, at least they were able to feel it, to be in it. Even more unfortunate are those who wait, wait, wait, and wait, yet their stories never start.

These people end up wondering what could have been had they done the other choice, and then they start asking, in the first place, what was the other choice that could equally make them happy? Was there any, really?

Sometimes, things are just exactly the way it seems. There's nothing more than his/her glowing eyes staring at you, there's nothing more than his/her hand holding you, there's nothing more than his/her hug giving you comfort, there's nothing more than his/her sweet words consoling you. Really, there's nothing greater than friendship that s/he can offer.

Yet you decide to go on believing that a miracle will happen. You decide to daydream until your face can no longer hold your plastered smile, then you snap back to the real world and as if you were back to step one, you can hardly accept the truth. You cannot gracefully admit that s/he's not yours, and may never be. You insist that you have chemistry. You firmly believe that you can only feel that strongly for him/her and just the same, s/he will never find a greater relationship with anyone but you.

But sometimes, fate can be harsh. So many people have said it's a matter of our choice. So many people have claimed that we can reverse our fate. But hasn't it also been evident that it's not always the case? Hasn't it been proven that sometimes, we have no choice, or rather, what we have are unrealistic choices?

We do not really have to argue with the fact that sometimes, no matter how much you try to make things happen, no matter how many chances you try to grab, no matter how much you try to win, things will not be the way you want them to. Not because you are wrong for wishing, hoping, longing and waiting, but because in reality, it's only you making the story, trying to end it happily. In reality, you're the only one playing the game, hoping s/he would join someday.

And in reality, there was never really someone else in your life, but your own mind playing a prank you have yet to accept.